After
by Neekspandasdeeks
Summary: in this one-shot Callen pays Nell a visit after a very rough day especially for Nell. (season six spoilers)


The warm familiar surroundings of Nell Jones apartment seemed to comfort her as she entered. She put her bags down on her kitchen counter and flopped onto her couch. It wasn't long before tears began rolling out of her eyes. She had killed a man. Did it really matter if he was innocent or not? She had watched the other agents kill for justice. How was it that they never showed any sign of emotion towards the people they killed? Justice didn't matter. Not at all. At least to Nell that is. But did she even kill him for justice? She was alone. She was only protecting herself no one else. As much as she tried to tell herself it was an act of self-defence the more she hated herself for trying to hide behind that. She had killed a man and nothing could make her feel any better. She, Nell Jones had taken someone's life. That terrified her. She told herself not to be selfish and tried to think about the possession Hetty and the entire team were in but the image of the man she had killed bleeding out on the bathroom floor kept creeping back into her mind.

When Nell's phone rang it broke through all of her troubled thoughts startling her. She looked at the screen and sighed. It was Eric. She quickly attempted to calm herself before answering.

"Eric hey."

"Hi… so crazy hey huh?"

"Yeah, I'd say."

"Are you alright?"

"Uh yeah… why wouldn't I be?" Nell asked.

"Well I'd hate to state the obvious but you have never killed anyone before."

"It's not such a big deal. I watch the team kill all the time."

"Yeah but they are killing for the first time every day. Plus their hearts aren't has delicate as yours."

Nell shook her head, "I will be alright Eric."

"Are you sure?" Eric's worried voice asked.

"What do you mean am I sure? Of course I am!" Nell defended, "Anyway, you know it's been a rough day so I am going to sleep. Goodnight Mr. Beale."

"Ok. I'll see you tomorrow. Stay strong."

Nell sighed as she hung up the phone. She still had tears running down her face. She hated the way she pushed Eric away when he was always trying to be a good friend to her. He didn't deserve that kind of treatment, he was a wonderful man. She pulled her blanket over her and turned her TV on.

After a few minutes there was a knock at her door. She got up and wiped the tears away and mumbled, "I'm not a fucking charity case," before opening the door. She raised an eyebrow at the man standing in her door way. Why on earth was he here?

"Callen?" Nell said in disbelief.

Callen raised his hand greeting her, "Can I come in?"

"Uh sure…"

Callen walked inside quietly. Nell stared at him for a few moments before Callen pointed to the couch awkwardly, "Can I sit over there?"

Nell nodded quickly realising she had blanked out. "Do you want something to drink? Coffee, a beer anything?"

Callen smiled politely, "Na I'm OK thanks Nell."

Nell nodded and joined him on her couch. "So…" she said sighing after the silence had begun to kill her.

"So what?" Callen asked giving her a lopsided grin.

"Hum… well do you want to tell me why you're here maybe? That could be a start."

Callen shrugged, "To check on you."

"Well I'm fine. I could've told you that over a phone call. I'm not really a kid; I can take care of myself."

"Cell phones make lying easier and if you were really fine you wouldn't have been crying before I came in here."

Nell tilted her head, "Uh… how did you know that?"

Callen smiled, "I guessed but you just admitted it."

Nell shook her head and smiled lightly before her featured returned emotionless again. "Did you ever feel like this?" she asked straight forward.

Callen shook his head, "I don't know what you're feeling Nell."

Nell looked at him trying to decide if she should continue. Did she really want to let Callen know her feelings? That would make them closer. He would see a side of her she's never showed anyone before.

"It's okay. Trust me?" Callen said as if almost reading her mind.

Nell nodded, "Terrible. I'm feeling terrible. I threw up in the bathroom for about half an hour. I'm feeling like I didn't have to kill him. I didn't even have to shoot him. I'm feeling guilty. I should have rather been shot than taken someone's life. Someone loves that guy and it's not their fault he does bad things." Tears quickly started falling from Nell's eyes again.

"Yes I was terrified. It scared the hell out of me. One second this person is alive and the next he is turning cold. Lifeless just lying on the ground bleeding. I thought it was unfair that I lived but I learnt to cope with it. You will too. Take my word for it, psychologists' can do wonders.

"No."

"What do you mean no?"

"I'm not seeing a psychologist."

"Trust me I hate it too. Always have and most likely always will but you have to talk to Nate. He is a friend too. It's not just orders from NCIS but orders from me too."

Nell tried to fake a smile, "You are NCIS."

"Okay I will give that to you but me as your friend. Someone who cares about you. You need to talk to someone before this turns into a case of Post Shooting Trauma."

Tears started to fall out of her eyes more violently now. She wiped them away immediately. Callen took her hands in his, "Don't be ashamed of that. It happens for a reason."

"It's a sign of weakness. I can't believe I'm crying in front of you of all people."

"What's wrong with me?"

"You are agent in charge and it's just awkward… I don't know how to put it."

"You think I'm superior?"

Nell nodded hesitantly.

"Well I'm not. I'm your friend."

Nell shrugged and Callen watched her return to her distant place. He frowned at the pain he saw in her tear filled eyes. He couldn't stand seeing people he cared so deeply for break in front of him. He pulled the petite young woman into a strong hug.

Nell was taken by surprise at Callen's sudden reaction. It didn't seem like him. She let herself relax in his arms and couldn't stop herself from drowning in her emotions. "It hurts," She whispered into his chest.

Callen leaned back and gripped Nell's chin softly then pulled her face up until their eyes met. "I know it does but you have to stay strong. Try not to think about it. Think about something else you hear me?"

"Yeah I hear you," Nell said sarcastically, "Give me something to think about then."

Callen slowly leaned closer to Nell and kissed her softly. He then leaned slightly back, she was visibly shocked. He looked down and whispered, "I'm sorry." That was stupid he would never have done something like that. He probably just ruined it.

Nell's eyes widened, G Callen had just kissed her. She shook her head at his words and smiled, "Don't be." She said placing her hand on his neck and kissing him back properly.

Unreal, that's the only way the two could explain to themselves how it felt kissing one another. Callen wasn't one to act that way with anyone, at least that's what Nell thought. Nell wasn't one to allow anyone to kiss her, at least that's what Callen thought.


End file.
